thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
