The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
