I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
