I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
