He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
