afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
