I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
