So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
