bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
