yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
