My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
