Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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