My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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