My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
