I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
