That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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