Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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