I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
