its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
