I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Less talking, more tequila
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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