The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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