Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize