walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
