"it" just moved
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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