are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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