I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
