you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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