All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
