i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
