i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
