I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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