dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
