i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's always time for handjobs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
