Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
