When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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