you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
