Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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