I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
