Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
