I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
