I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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