dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
