Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
