She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
