I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
