God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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