i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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