yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
