The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
