her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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