goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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