It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
