i wish my penis had a tongue
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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