I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
