sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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