I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my being single is dangerous.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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