yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
