my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
