Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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