Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
