1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
