My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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