That's intense
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
