It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
