so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
