Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
