I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
