so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
