i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
