We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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