hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
