the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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