Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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